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After six months of forced inactivity, the state artists are taking bitter retribution against the corona virus and the political upheavals associated with it. From October 7th, they will signal the resurrection of the half-dead branch in Vienna’s Rabenhof

Exchanging ideas with state artists is routine at this point: Thomas Maurer, Robert Palfrader and Florian Scheuba are the most reliable diagnosers of Austrian reality with their programs. They do not leave it at the razor-sharp punchline, but also research in political gray areas. In the meantime, the world has collapsed in the cabaret industry as well: When the republic closed in March, the freelance small artists, who always insisted on their independence, lost all income overnight. Now the stages have reopened, but are only allowed to play in front of a handful of audiences. And the state artists ensure that the political abysses do not remain unexplored over the pandemic general theme.

We have been holding a jour fixe here for a long time, and every time the world reliably ends. And now it really went under for the first time. Palfrader: But it wasn’t us. Mason: Exceptionally innocent. Schuba: But it’s true, for the first time we didn’t have the effect that the downfall would bring us anything as satirists. When something happens in politics, we at least have the motivational effect that we can make something out of it. That is not the case in the current situation. On the contrary, we were practically banned from working. And we are happy and grateful to be able to play again. Also because a lot has built up in the meantime. Not being able to communicate that is bitter. Palfrader: We already have no more soles on our shoes because of all the shears with our legs.

© Ricardo Herrgott Thomas Maurer

But you won’t skip the topic of “Corona” out of respect? Palfrader: Well, we already have something. We explain how one laughs correctly in terms of health policy. Scheuba: Although there is also serious educational work to be done here. The theaters are actually still unaffected. You’re really safe here. Mason: The theaters have worked their asses off and invested in the most expensive security measures. Palfrader: It’s easy for us against that.website that writes papers for you free We don’t have to deal with declining sales because we don’t have any sales. Even a fool like me can figure that out. Maurer: It was particularly easy in the spring. Scheuba: We sent each other long-term work for this. Now we have so much program that we could fill a four-hour programMaurer: but unfortunately play for one and a half hours without a break and cut out one favorite number after the other with watering eyes.

Corona just overlays the other topics. Scheuba: That’s right, we also have something on the subject of world conspiracies. It’s clear that people finally want to know who’s behind this.

And who? Scheuba: I’ll just say the following: It’s completely different from what most people believe. Mason: The conspiracy theories on the Internet are only a distraction from the actual conspiracy, which I can’t say because it’s too dangerous. Palfrader: The article will be deleted from China and the bricklayer will probably get an implant. I won’t say more now, because otherwise I’ll get one. Schuba: But I dare. Who was at the beginning of the corona crisis? The World Health Organization WHO. How is it pronounced? English “who”. Corona is very expensive for all of us, colloquially “teia”. And what is the matter with us on the Thaya? Laa. And what do the skeptics say? “Pah!” And where do you say it? With Lou Lorenz in “Zeit im Bild”. And now put that together.

I can’t figure it out. Hulapalu! Now you know who is behind it.

The Gabalier! So obvious and nobody can figure it out! Is there any other topic? Scheuba: Sure, politics delivers and delivers. So much is going on in the committee of inquiry and some politicians are keen to have everything covered up. They present the whole thing as if it were just a mud fight and an empty scuffle, while interesting things actually come out of it. Mason: In contrast to the increasingly difficult appearances of the Federal Chancellor in his new role as Archangel Michael, who with a flaming sword and paternal austerity to us shows everyone the way and in between the one or the other coronavirus simply crushes it. Palfrader: It’s not just fun to see it all the time on television. Mason: It’s about the same frequency as the program announcement used to be. If you crank it up, there’s a good chance you’ll see the short instead of the announcer.

© Ricardo Herrgott Florian Scheuba

Maybe we owe the whole dilemma with the early easing and the current draconian measures only to the fact that Anschober has higher popularity ratings than the Chancellor? Scheuba: That is even more likely than the Hulapalu theory! You can even assume with certainty.Maurer: Although, to be fair, you have to say that the whole thing is not only seen tactically. Sebastian Kurz has a very honest, deep feeling of incomprehension that someone doesn’t think he’s great. Just because you always say he has no convictions: That is the ethical guideline he works on. Schuba: And I have a new theory about government personnel. Thanks to Schallenberg, who pointed out the pull effects to be avoided. Pull effects are everything that makes our country friendlier, more beautiful and more liveable, which means that more and more people want to come to us from elsewhere. This must be prevented! Through everything that makes our country smarter, more unfriendly and less liveable. This also explains some of our government personnel, some of which are made up of push effects. For example, when I’m somewhere and think to myself: “I actually want to go to Austria”, and then I see Finance Minister Blümel on the Viennese election posters Mason: Although you have to admire the courage to put the word “Achievement” on your face. The classic text-image scissors. Schuba: My favorite poster is that of the FPÖ with the man with the knife. A hooded man chases after a screaming woman with a raised knife. I believe that the FPÖ is being wronged. This is a responsible mouth and nose protection wearer who shows a reckless aerosol emitter: Not like that! Maurer: He is probably cutting a rag out of his jacket so he can hand her a mouth and nose protection. In a word: Whenever I think it doesn’t get any more stupid with every FPÖ election campaign, I was sure that the Reindl had finally left it. Palfrader: That was how the foreigner ran off with the window chest full of money . I thought to myself: Oida! Maurer: I liked the fact that someone in town pasted Mr. Nepp’s pictures over with a cleanly photographed, well-lit Oaschloch. Schuba: A case of image duplication.

Where does government policy lead us to Moria? Palfrader: I would like the ÖVP to be just as consistent with tax refugees as it is with refugees. With the billions that you would earn as a result, you could support very, very many people.

And how long will the Greens stand their bends before Kurz and Blümel? Palfrader: I think that the Greens can take it for a long time. Whether their constituents will be able to muster this patience is another matter. Schuba: Norbert Hofer is already scratching the starting blocks and is hoping for a quick change.

© Ricardo Herrgott Robert Palfrader

And the Vienna election? Palfrader: At the beginning we have a stand-up section, in which there is space for the latest news. Mason: But if we have a mayor Blümel, we have our own number. Palfrader: Our own program. Schuba: If the SPÖ does not get an absolute majority, the pressure on Ludwig will grow to free Austria from this finance minister and take him as deputy mayor, where he can do less damage. Mason: I also didn’t think I would one day I would say the sentence: “Compared to him, Grasser was a luminary.”

Can it happen that the increasing numbers still seriously endanger Ludwig? Palfrader: No. Mason: No. All they have to do is make sure they get the back to school chaos under control. But basically Corona is seen as something fateful that does not affect the party political preference.Scheuba: No, although the Doskozil is working on it because he would like to become the future strong man of the SPÖ. And not the dumpster palfrader: he has beautiful legs! Maurer: The Doskozil will soon counter this by clearing a canal in Eisenstadt. Schuba: He gets stuck there. But as far as Vienna is concerned, the competition is too weak. Blümel has managed to totally wear himself out from a great starting position. Hebein is a minority program also for green-loving voters.

It’s not for everyone to plunge into a swimming pool with six people in a six-lane exhaust-gas hell. Mason: Although, as boys we all did stupid things. Schuba: But it wasn’t the voter bringer either. There is still CO-enriched air above.

We don’t need to talk about the FPÖ anymore? Palfrader: Nepp looks like an elementary school student who wants to do a Strache cabaret program. Mason: If the Strache was already the fuzzy pirated copy of Haider, the rip is what happens when it’s damp is pushed through underneath the leaf. Scheuba: The Neos are poor. They were the only ones who didn’t do anything bad. Mason: In terms of parliament, they even did a good job. Palfrader: A great achievement for such a small party. But nobody notices them.Scheuba: Extra praise for Steffi Krisper! She drives the U-Committee massively. Palfrader: And that she said that about the Oasch, she actually deserved a few votes for it. Schuba: Who of us doesn’t say three times a day “that’s going on Oasch”. Mason: Sorry, but my mother raised me differently. Schuba: And that was so much for you that you became a cabaret artist.

But you’re on the move! Are you on speed? Palfrader: I haven’t taken cocaine or speed in my life. Schuba: Especially not Monday at 10.30 a.m.

For me it’s three Red Bulls at eight. Mason: I drink this every three years, and the effect is striking because the body rises up against it in an immune reaction. Schuba: And think of the cautionary example of Karl-Heinz Grasser at 14 Red Bull by day! That the health authorities do not step in and say: “Sorry, we underestimated that”! Maurer: Grasser also said that traveling by train is nonsense because he can be in Klagenfurt in two hours by car. Scheuba: No problem after the fourteenth Red Bull. Incidentally, it hurts us that we can take so little care of Grasser and his trial. I have a suggestion to help him. Obviously it all boils down to this problematic mother-in-law allowance. That to this day she is unwilling to confirm that this was her money. So the whole defense strategy is in the problem area. My suggestion would be for him to simply say: The mother-in-law has had so many cosmetic surgeries, it’s no wonder if he mixed her up. Or she has had so many cosmetic surgeries that technically it is no longer the same person! Maurer: In legal terms, she is no longer the same person! It’s like operating a car with spare parts until you have another car. Palfrader: If you keep installing spare parts until you have a Volvo instead of an Opel Kapitän. Schuba: That could help Karl-Heinz. Since he already said that he had to take cash because it was the weekend and therefore he couldn’t make a transfer. Mason: That was the old trade regulations, where the internet was closed at the weekend.

Will he ever be convicted? Palfrader: I think he has a chance if he pleads that his hair is incapable of clinging. His hairstyle cannot be maintained in this state. I would like to see the judge who wants to lock up Karl-Heinz Grasser’s hair. They certainly won’t survive. Mason: The question that begs me is whether Grasser doesn’t take up a little broad space in relation to his importance in this conversation.

Alright Do any of you have any theory of what kind of light the Chancellor may have seen in the tunnel shortly before the quasi-lockdown? Maurer: The emergency lighting at the Martin-Ho-Club.

We are now pragmatically getting half serious. Hasn’t the cabaret industry been in bad shape since Corona? Scheuba: It is the most independent industry within the art scene, and it has already been said in terms of self-image: Subsidies are in no way possible. But if you take away the opportunity to perform, that’s a problem. Then, as with other professions, something has to be done. In Switzerland, the problem was quickly recognized and solved: everyone in the cultural sector, regardless of whether it concerns the opera or a hobby choir, gets 80 percent of the loss of earnings reimbursed, from day one. So far, the Austrian variant has been: zero percent, but never.Maurer: My tax consultants tell me that I’ve made too much revenue to get something.

In any case, Ms. Lunacek was largely promoted into retirement by your colleague Lukas Resetarits. Schuba: It wasn’t about the person, but about the fact that nothing happened for two months. You don’t necessarily have to have the skills to fill an office. But then you have to compensate for it through diligence. And Mrs. Lunacek did nothing for two months. They did not even seek a conversation with the finance minister. That was a scandal that had to be responded to violently. And the media must also be used. A few weeks ago a comment appeared in the “Presse”: Grafenegg came to a standstill shortly before Ischgl. Realiter was a person who later tested positive at a reception by the governor in Grafenegg, probably not infected that day, and there were no follow-up infections! Such a comment just does a lot of harm and shouldn’t even be published as a letter to the editor.Maurer: There is a different weighting, even in federal politics, which industries are really important.